It's part of the Celtic bloodstream.

I am through it. I am out and it is gone. I needed the catharsis of that day of anger to finally lay it to rest. The serenity is amazing. The melancholy has lifted; I am alive and all is well in my world.

I have recently been astonished by people's capacity for caring. I thought within the human heart that to care for someone else and their circumstances, to feel empathy in some way or compassion, well... I honestly thought that was limitless in all of us. I have realised that it is not true of everyone.

I find it hard to understand how a person can pick and choose who or what they will care for; how they can look at their friends and decided to care about those 10 but not those 3, that their heart is full enough with the 10 and there is no more room for the 3 that are left over.

Perhaps I don't explain that right, I think that's because I am not like that and therefore cannot comprehend how a mind can work that way. I don't believe that the human heart, that a persons capacity to care is so appallingly limited. I am sure this is because of my family, whose hearts have never been closed to anyone, who have again and again gone that extra mile for friends, for family, even for complete strangers. I was not raised in an environment that limited caring, even with the little things, the small things that can make you smile, lift your heart and let you know without a doubt that you are loved.

I had an amazing support network during the months I was ill, they were my family; my parents who love me and show they love me constantly, my sisters without whose love I would be lost, just simply lost; and my husband whose all encompassing love, understanding and care just astounds me each day.

I was not lonely, they were around me constantly, there was a lot of laughter and love and hugs; how could I ever have been demoralised with them surrounding me. I was never scared, not when I received both my cancer diagnoses, not when I was in hospital, not before the operation or during my recovery after; there was no reason to be scared; I had my family.

I can only try to understand those who close their hearts to others, as alien and disturbing as that seems to me. However I was raised by people who have limitless love and caring in their hearts; they passed that on to their children. I believe the heart is infinite. I believe that the ability for care is illimitable.

An old friend's cancer fight ended a few weeks ago; she died peacefully. I have know her since I was 18. She loved and was loved in return, that is the greatest gift of life.

Kiss me goodnight and say my prayers
Leave the light on at the top of the stairs
Tell me the names of the stars up in the sky
A tree taps on the window pane
That feeling smothers me again
Daddy is it true that we all have to die

At the top of the stairs
Is darkness

I closed my eyes and when I looked
Your name was in the memorial book
and what had become of all the things we planned
I accepted the commiserations
Of all your friends and your relations
But there's some things I still don't understand

You were so tall
How could you fall?